Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance

I was reading a very interesting book recently:

(here it is)

Absolutely fascinating.  Had an account of a religious group that grew out of exercise and meditation (similar to Yoga, at least, that's how I understood it).  The Falun Gong or Falun Dafa.  The book talks about how the Communist party basically outlawed Falun Gong because they had so many adherents that it gave them some serious power in the country.  Lots of accounts of police brutality.  Lots of peaceful protests.

I was on a long car drive with my roommate (She's from Jiangxi Province, China) and I asked her if she knew anything about the religion.

She responds with "Oh yeah, they're crazy.  The government had to outlaw them because they kill themselves in public... They're like Muslim extremists or something."

I was shocked.  The book had said NOTHING about that. From what she was saying the religion was like some evil cult that encouraged it's members to suicide.


Anyways, it was jarring.  Cognitive Dissonance to the max.  Could probably write something about propaganda, or Communism, or government blah blah blah.. but I've been feeling dizzy and awful all day so I'm gonna skip it.

Here's a song:

Words are not Enough

The American media chooses to focus on trivialities, (not limited to, but certainly including, a dead lion named Cecil).  However, ultimately I do blame myself for not being more informed. 


Anyways.  A couple days ago I read this article on ISIS and sex-trafficking (TW: sexual assault).

Isis Enshrines a Theology of Rape


Awful doesn't cover it.  It is so absolutely f**ked up that sex, this beautiful, wonderful thing, can be corrupted and used as a tool of destruction and hate.  SICK SICK SICK.


Some of this is being combated by a man named Steve Maman, who is buying these women (and in some cases, children) from ISIS to give them back their lives.

Read that story here:  A Canadian Businessman Inspired by Oskar Schindler Is Buying Back Christians and Yazidis Captured by Islamic State .


I don't donate anything. Ever.  I am always too worried about corrupt charities, and ultimately I always decide its better to just give nothing.  That has to change.  I believe in this man.  I have to donate to his cause.  Please consider supporting him as well.

http://www.gofundme.com/liberationCYCI

There must be something in the water

will write this week.

Would Wrestle God to Kiss Your Smile

We went to Washington D.C. last weekend to go see our friend who has been interning in the Library of Congress.

Whilst there, we went to an art gallery called The Fridge for a street sticker expo.  You know those little stickers that  post offices give out for labeling?  You could (if one were so inclined)  make art on them and stick them up in public places.  There were also some actual stickers, printed and ordered. 

rich people

“Part of the beauty of me is that I’m very rich.”

- Donald J. Trump


This article though:  Frank Reynolds or Donald Trump

clutter, must-read, must-hear

is it true that your mind is sometimes like a battering ram running all through the city, shouting so madly inside and out about the ten thousand things that do not matter? –Hafiz 


Can I simplify my mind the same way I simplify my wardrobe?   Trying to pair my clothing down to only basics, get rid of everything extraneous.

Like meditation for my clothing. 

I never actually meditate.  I swim in a sea of distractions so I won't ever have to be alone with myself.  Wake up, cook/shower/call boyfriend/ finish making my Hindi vocab flashcards for the week/ blog / donate some clothes / get started on my massive to-do list/bike/ 8 hours of work (studying on my breaks) / bike home/ chit chat with roommates, read until I fall asleep.

WHICH BY THE WAY I am reading an extremely interesting book involving cognitive dissonance, corrupt politicians, corrupt researchers, and other things that I love.  We we lie to ourselves. How we justify our own hypocrisy.   Also I think it might be fixing my writers block somehow. 

 

Polish Girl - Neon Indian

class of '10

So I went back Home (?) last weekend, ostensibly for a class reunion.  Our little dinky informal five-year potluck thingy. 

If you know me at all you know that high school was the black pit for me.  I listened to emo music 24-7 and spend most of my time alone in my room.  I was... unpopular. To put it lightly.  I recall a particularly unflattering comment made about me being "Yeah I'd f*** her, but only if she had a bag over her face so I didn't have to see it".


I have dreams about high school.  Sometimes I feel like I'm living my life to impress "Those People".  And I feel weird about this.  I want to let go of the bitterness, and move on.


So I went back.

Awkward. Awkward. So awkward.  I have NOTHING in common with them.  (Except for one girl that I ran into who I used to be close with and still really admire and respect).


When I was in a situation where I needed to mingle and try to talk to people I panicked.  I didn't know what to say. 

I felt myself regressing back to former self status.  Uncomfortable in a way that I haven't felt in five years. 

Those are not my people.

Why did I subject myself to that?  I'm glad it's done. I'm glad I'm back in Fargo with the people I trust, the people I can say anything to, the people who do not judge me.  I could taste the relief when I finally made it to my apartment.


I forget how lucky I am to have the friends that I do.  They are so much more.  I should have brought them with me,  but I felt like this was something I needed to go do alone.

There is the bustling metropolis of Mott ND looming in the foreground.

Thought I Was Blind Before I Met You

Cover of Bright Eyes -  First Day of My Life, by Cole Strombeck.   Make this guy famous.

Headphones Recommended

Never, ever laugh at beginners.

You have no idea how much of a setback it can be to be too embarrassed to even practice something.

I have this friend, super awesome friend, who happens to be really un-confident at dancing.  He gets out there and has fun with us,  I never noticed anything particularly awful about how he dances.

Last time we all went out, there were two girls just laughing and laughing at him while he was dancing.  


He's done. That's it. No more dancing.  That is so awful to even think about considering all the joy dancing can bring a person.

I used to teach English and believe me I would NEVER laugh at a foreigner's pronunciation.  Just correct them and move on.  There is such a difference in how people will approach you depending on whether they think they can learn and share with you or be ridiculed by you. Such. A. Difference.

 GAH.  It takes so much to learn a new skill, to put yourself into something you don't know much about.  DON'T LAUGH AT BEGINNERS.


Rules for life.

 Dream of Something Sweet - K 391  ft Cory Friesenhan

Three Things.

There was an old lady with perfect skin.  Glowed like a goddess.  Smile like a sunrise, need the darkest of tinted windows/glasses to dim that.  When they asked her how her skin was so perfect at 90+ years, she just flashed this gorgeous smile and said,

"Love Everybody".

(Well, sometimes she chalked it up to good moisturizing practices, but you can tell why I usually don't emphasize that part)


 And then you have the Ottertail River in Minnesota. Famous party spot, where people float down on inner-tubes with coolers of beer.


Where my friend got called a chink.  (Am I even allowed to type that word, it looks dirty as hell.)

Where I called someone a c*nt to their face for the very first time.

(Ask yourself if the second c-word looks so much more shocking, and why is that?)


Yes racial slurs are alive and well in rural America.

It just hurts to see it coming from my generation.

Also just so you know, if one of YOUR drunken friends ever uses a racial/homophobic/misogynistic slur in your presence, THIS IS WHAT YOU DO.

You apologize for their bad behavior.  Don't say, "Oh he's just super drunk."  Say I am sorry for what he said to you.

And maybe consider getting better friends.


Well. Time for me to rid my body of disappointment and anger and go get ready to help some old people.


My instructor and I salsa dancing to San Holo's remix of Next Episode by Dr. Dre...

LB CA Future.

So I have made the executive decision to attend a three day program in Long Beach California, to become a salsa instructor.  (LINK HERE) It's only three days which SEEMS like it won't be long enough.  They also have a three month program for salsa intensive training, which I may want to do in the future.  (Kinda scared about spending the money for three months of living in Long Beach.  Maybe I could find a job there?)


I would love to find a dancing partner to perform with, but I do worry about jealousy issues... I mean you have to dance with the same person and find chemistry on the daily.


SO! As a solution I have decided to only seek out gay men for partners.  That way my boyfriend won't get jealous, and will feel comfortable with my future-of-dance.  DanceFuture. 


AHHH I WANNA TEACH DANCE. 

 One of my (sort of very confused, but very awesome) old ladies gave me a huge pep talk the other night, she just looked right at me and said, "Look I know I'm too old to be your  mentor... I wish I was younger... but you have to realize that you are going to do great things.  And I know you don't believe you can do it, but you CAN, and you need to get out there and DO THINGS.



So I just bought this three day course thing.  And I think I will also do the three month course within the next two years at some point.

Oh and I'm performing at the nursing home next weekend too. woooooh.

Music:

Am I Waiting To Break?

Maybe this has already hit the radios, not sure.


But probably not in Fargo.

over and over and over again

FIRST:

New music:

Hmmmm well not much is happening.  Been working.  Starting to be around old people so much that I feel like I am one. 

I hold a lot of tension and I get angry easily.  Well I hope that's only true for lately, and not for always.  How can I just... just not get pissed off?

It's like I'm constantly in go-mode.  I can't remember the last time I was just sitting there, nothing to do.   And if something stops me I freak out.


Is that healthy?  I'm too busy to find out.  I always thought that I feel better the more productive I am. 

Actually considering going on an internet fast.  The problem is there are certain things I feel like I need the internet for (such as checking windspeed before I bike to work so I know how early I need to leave).  Then after checking the weather I get sucked in to a vortex of clickbaits.

I want to simplify my life.

On a different note:

If you're not using airbnb you should be.   Aaaaaand please let me know if you do as I can give you some money off your first stay. We stayed in this crazy aging hippie's wagon.  Awesome.

 The wagon is lined with books.  Found Hafiz poetry.  Was happy.

 There was cognac... apparently it lasted through like 60 guests, but then the last guest just decided to drink it all hahahaha. none left for us.

caravan

The time of judging
Who is drunk or sober,
Who is right and who is wrong,
Who is closer to god, and who is farther away,
All that is over.

This caravan is led instead by a great delight,
The simple joy that sits with us now.

That is the grace.


–Hafiz

Anyone who doesn't like Parenthesis may Leave

Yesterday I had a bonfire (is it still a bonfire if it's freakin' tiny? unclear.) for my birthday.

Anyways my friend who is a Reiki healer had us write things on pieces of paper and then burn them.

Things we want to let go of.

Like tarot card readings, I find myself analyzing, trying to look inward and see, (Does it help? Does it work? /////////) on and on and on.

I very rarely give myself up to anything.  I can't just feel it.

My parents are deeply suspicious of anything "hippy".  I'm not suspicious. Maybe skeptical.

I want to be able to cleanse myself of anything dragging me down, the things that cause me to doubt my self-worth.

Do I believe that I can?

I guess the answer is maybe, so then it follows that the answer is really

(no.)



----
also: a song.

San Holo (Saint Hologram?)

Taking the 365 challenge ( I just made that title up)


WHICH MEANS! For one full year, I will not buy any new clothes. 


IF I absolutely NEED to buy something, I will buy it from a thrift store.

But I shouldn't need anything.


and

GO!


oh here's a song:

Cut from the Manifesto

So by now (at least if you're in America) you've heard about this Josh Duggar thing.    Got sucked in to the wild web again, researching women who have left the fundamentalist Christian movement:

Consent vs. Purity Culture:  http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2015/05/josh-duggar-and-the-tale-of-two-boxes.html

FANTASTIC BLOG IN GENERAL:  https://defeatingthedragons.wordpress.com/


Had a family thing yesterday.  My cousin gave a devotional about how we need to seek wisdom by following God.  Then she prayed over us, while my mom had her arms around me, and the whole time I'm just thinking:


How am I going to do this.


I am not following this path anymore.  My boyfriend is from a Hindu/Atheist hybrid family and I'm just... I'm  just not.  I'm not teaching this to my children.  

I'm not teaching them that they have some special knowledge that makes them better than other people.

I'm not teaching them that only their Christian friends are going to heaven, and the rest must burn in Hell because they were taught something else.

 If I talk for long enough with my parents it always comes back to religion.  We argue.  My dad told me not to have children.  Casually.

I stayed quiet at that.  If my mom would have said that I would have freaked out on her.  I remember when my dad and I used to fight and fight, and I guess subconsciously I don't want to return to that.

It's stupid  to assume that my marriage will fail because it's  not with a Christian.  Considering the divorce rate in America I'm incredibly better off with an Indian.

My mom has this idea that everyone "chooses" whether or not to believe in Jesus.  I find this ridiculous.

Religion is a learned behavior. So so so many of my friends are Hindu.  As are their parents, grandparents and so on.  (Basically the Hindu form of my family, actually).   We believe what makes sense to us.  We can't force ourselves to believe something that doesn't make sense.  I can't suddenly start believing that I am in the midst of a zombie apocalypse any more than any of my Hindu friends can start believing that their lives will be better with Jesus.  My mom tried to convert my former roommate Tanvi once.  Tanvi just said she wasn't interested, but I think it would have been funny if she turned around and told her about Hinduism for hours and hours.

Christians will not entertain other belief systems.


I have this huge thing written up about this, but it's kind of all over the place.  It helped me get my thoughts together though.  I should make a powerpoint to present to my family.  ick.

FY

Rumi (trans. by Coleman Barks)


Everytime I feel awful, I read from The Big Red Book.  Perfection.

UDC

Ridiculous how much I find myself learning once I actually am done with university and can get into what I'm really interested in.

• Learn/Relearn what I've forgotten about  Hindi (have a lesson this Friday)
• Improve my Spanish (uhhhhh been lazy on that one).
• Learn how to lead Salsa (On1 for now, On2's gonna be a challenge)
• Become an Intermediate Hip Hop Dancer BECAAAAAUSE (DRUMROLL)

My friend and I (or at LEAST I, considering I've rarely been able to get at people for travel commitments)

are going to Urban Dance Camp Summer 2016.

Pumped.

It's in Lörrach, Germany and HELLA expensive, but I think I need this.  yuh. I've decided not to travel anywhere unless I can dance on the regular in a studio.  (Or salsa congresses/ whate')

except at work

I will love you no matter  how many mistakes I make when
trying to reduce fractions, and no matter how difficult it is to memorize the periodic table.

I will love you as the manatee loves the head of lettuce
and as the dark spot loves the leopard,
as the leech loves the ankle of a wader
and as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture.

I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship,
and the passengers love the lifeboat
and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale,
and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms.

I never want to be away from you again,
except at work, in the restroom or when one of us
is at a movie the other does not want to see

-Lemony Snicket
The Beatrice Letters

So.

All I've been doing is listening to these sleazy reggaeton/dembow songs.  Good times.

I just wanna dance..  Been thinking of possibly pursuing my dream of becoming an instructor (okay that's a relatively new dream...).

I would love to teach dance.

Solo Pienso en Ti

Sanskrit has ninety-six words for love; ancient Persian has eighty, Greek three, and English only one. This is indicative of the poverty of awareness or emphasis that we give to that tremendously important realm of feeling.

Eskimos have thirty words for snow, because it is a life-and death matter to them to have exact information about the element they live with so intimately.

If we had a vocabulary of thirty words for love … we would immediately be richer and more intelligent in this human element so close to our heart.

An Eskimo probably would die of clumsiness if he had only one word for snow; we are close to dying of loneliness because we have only one word for love.

Of all the Western languages, English may be the most lacking when it come to feeling.

-Robert Johnson
The Fisher King and the Handless Maiden

I'm sorry about the default thumbnail for this video.  I promise there's no butts in this video.  I don't know how to change it.

 

Minimal

Well..

Been quite busy so haven't  had much of a...

Wait.

Complete lies.


I have not been busy.

I have been SICK.

NASTY headache, sore throat, etc.

There's a show tonight at the Nestor, and the Zombie Pub Crawl on Saturday, but I have no idea if I can attend, as come Sunday, I'm on some 5-days-in-a-row-workweek scheiße.

Hmm anyways... When I DO feel better if that ever happens, I'm hoping to look into some serious minimalism.

I love it.  Get rid of material possessions.   Too sick to expound on that right now.

Have some links:

10 Things I Gained When I Gave Up All My Stuff
Getting Rid of Just-in-Case Items
Letting Go of Sentimental Items

Okay I better go sleep. Peace

VAGUE TO THE POINT OF COMPLETE GRAY

Sometimes swearing is necessary.  It's how I convey great anger or importance.  But I've always felt that I'm not allowed to swear on this blog, since people who have me on facebook (possibly family members) read it.


I don't like that. Feels like a trap.  Something holds me back from being sincere.  I care too much about what my family thinks of me.

Okay so maybe I just like to swear, regardless of any "great anger or importance".  

Also I feel like I can't talk about certain things that have happened in my past.

Sometimes the things I say become so vague it's almost pointless to say them at all.

Like now for instance.


It bothers me that I never write poetry anymore.  Been reading some of my old stuff, and I can barely recognize the woman that wrote it.

Gah who the hell am I anymore?


Something from April 2014:

regardless of the length of the chain, strength of
the fence

I had to see if your dog was a biter.

there were warning signs in
my second language:

Teeth Filed, Regrown
Daily

No Snarl Until Hungry

on pain as a teacher:
avoiding scars is
skipping class.

My hands outstretched, ready
for the gold-star bruises

of perfect attendance

---

I think I'm  in an apathetic state that discourages poetry.  Also the above poem is ... meh.  So I wasn't that good at poetry when I was writing. Maybe it's for the best.

Around Santo Domingo

Leaving tomorrow.  Wouldn't have missed this last weekend for anything.

Here's some odds and ends I haven't posted.

 El Conde in the rainy night.

my family :)

I'm like, No, not really..

So in love with the nightlife in Santo Domingo.

Perfect mix of reggaeton, edm, 80's jams and top hits.  Also, if I feel the need I can go find Salsa/Bachata/Merengue as well.


Everyone danced last night.  So. Much. Fun.

Until 4 AM.

Heard this song and went up to the closest dude singing along and made him tell me what it was.  Like I'ma be physically ill if I'm not able to  blast this song 30 times in a row when I wake up tomorrow.

Omi & Felix Jaehn - Cheerleader (Praia Del Sol and Renca Remix)

esta caballero

Pin Pun - Lapiz Conciente

THE CHORUS.
When I walk home.  Whoever is walking behind me.

Will always be able to tell when the bass kicks in.

DANNNG tonight, after all the dopamine from four hours of hardcore exercise, I was literally dancing my way home.  So happy.

 _________________________________________________________________________

What we speak
becomes the house
we live in.
Who will want
to sleep in your bed
if the roof leaks
right above it?

Fear is the
cheapest room
in the house,
I would like
to see you living
in better conditions.

There is only one reason
we have followed God
into this world:
to encourage laughter,
freedom,
dance and love ....

God and I are rushing
from every corner of
existence,
needing to say
we are yours.

The sun never says
to the earth,
even after all this time
“you owe me”.

I once asked a bird
how is it that you
fly in this gravity
of darkness?
she responded,
love lifts me.

I should not make
any promises right now
but I know if you pray
somewhere in this world
something good
will happen.


–Hafiz
 

mi amor

Soon begins my last week in Santo Domingo.

I want to stay, take my dancing to the next level...

They have a free dembow zembow (twerking essentials) lesson in the park (Plaza Guibia at 6:15ish) Monday-Friday, but I didn't realize that till 2+ weeks in.

MEHHHHH

Half of my conversations are like this:  Them: Why did you come here?  Me:  In my city, it's very cold, with no dancing.  So I leave whenever I have money.

(Only in Spanish)

Much of the cat-calling here is, "PSSSSST" PSSSST", as if they're trying to get your attention to tell you a secret.  Then if you ignore them they don't usually pursue any further conversation.  But today I decided to respond to someone with "PSSST" as well.  We had a short chat in morse code until I was out of hearing range.

We went to some beach, near Las Salinas.  We went to a salt mine, where they extract it from the ocean.  Huge piles of salt laying everywhere.  Also sand dunes. Also beach.

SO HOT.

 Virgin beach at the end, which means you can't swim there.

 self-explanatory

Salt mines/factory.

 The pools are different colors based on whether the salt is ready to come out.  Unclear on when that is, because as always our nanny explains things in Spanish and sometimes I don't catch it all.

MMMM. ocean.  With Prince Royce in the speakers.

Las Tres Ojos

Went to this National Park with my classmates.  It's quite near Santo Domingo.  Basically there are three lagoons of different colors, and some of them more or less underground.  You can take a little ride on a raft to get through one of the caves. 

Apparently it used to be a holy spot for rituals but now (surprise!) it's a tourist attraction woohoo.

te deseo oh oh oh

Are swiss people generally sort of standoffish / not really people persons, or did I just hit a rich vein of them here?

Hmm.  Holding off on that stereotype for now.


This song is now my theme song for the Dominican Republic.


Zion y Lennox Ft. Farruko Y Yandel - Pierdo La Cabeza

It's a style of music called dembow

 
Also heard this gem while at the beach, (Spanish, not Dominican, but oh well)

Nach scratch - Te Quiero