All Right

I swear Seoul, South Korea is the safest place on the entire planet.  Where else can you walk through an alleyway in a miniskirt at 4 AM and receive ZERO catcalls?  I've gotten catcalls in Fargo wearing nothing more revealing than jeans and a t-shirt.

Kinda destroys your whole "her clothes were provoking him" argument.  There appears to be no rape culture here. It's very freaking relaxing.

What isn't very relaxing is feeling like I always have to be dressed like a fashionable human being.  I can no longer dress like a complete slob.  I felt way too out of place today on the subway.   Then again, I also feel much too fat to dress like the average woman here...  Tomorrow I'm going to the rich people district (The one Psy sang about in Gangnam Style).

This song is the most relaxing thing I've ever heard, and that's about enough hyperbole for the day. Goodnight.

soul

I am in Seoul, South Korea! Just ate some octopus with my old roommate and her mom! I am so tired.

 gorgeous sunrise when I was about to fly out

I need some white out to fix this... but it's a gift for my host here.  I made it the night before I flew out and finished it on the flights today. (or yesterday with the time change.)

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Make no mistake I intend to kill the past with the bright sword of the here and now.  It has become very clear that I am the only priest capable of exorcising that bitter-hearted demon.

When considering alcohol, I look to Jesus

There are so few people who have ever seen me drink, (it's sort of my "thing," sobriety) but some nights with that cheap five dollar wine, I do.  Sometimes there are people worth getting dizzy for.  I believe that.  I wonder if any women were allowed to drink with Jesus.

My head feels heavy enough to let me fall asleep effortlessly.  In less than thirty hours I'll be on an airplane.

good good good.  Cooked some awesome quinoa burgers with beautiful people.  Fun fact: Yellowtail Moscato is only 5 dollars a bottle and it is FLAT OUT DELICIOUS.   Hence why I am not completely sober right now.


good thoughts, all over the place, goodnight.

all limbs and love, absurd

you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.

-Warsan Shire

In less than three days I'll be in Seoul Korea, with one of my favorite ladies on this planet...

I spent my afternoon biting back obscenities if you must know.

President Obama: makes a joke about killing the Jonas Brothers with drones.

Here's a nice quote too:

"TBIJ reports that from June 2004 through mid-September 2012, available data indicate that drone strikes killed 2,562 - 3,325 people in Pakistan, of whom 474 - 881 were civilians, including 176 children. TBIJ reports that these strikes also injured an additional 1,228 - 1,362 individuals," according to the Stanford/NYU study.

Based on interviews with witnesses, victims and experts, the report accuses the CIA of "double-striking" a target, moments after the initial hit, thereby killing first responders.

Read the whole article Here.

This is why I voted Ron Paul.  This is why when I travel abroad this summer, I refuse to wear the camouflage National Guard backpack my dad offered to me for a carry-on.  The word America is no longer beautiful the way I believed it was when my kindergarten class faced the flag with "I pledge allegiance..."  I am not proud of our government.  I am not proud of what we are doing to other countries.

Yes, "we".  The American public who elected this monster a second time...

I haven't been into politics since "that thing which happened" (read: personal issues).  Man.  I forgot how much anger I used to carry to this.  I've been sitting at home listening to music and looking at random nonsense for the past year and a half.  I nearly forgot about our crappy government.

Midnight Run

THIS SONG

There are people who find the the truth boring.

Me,  I caught honesty like an addiction to the rarest of drugs.  I've been frequenting alleyways looking for a fellow junkie since my first night doing lines of sincerity with you in the back corner when we were still strangers.  Clear eyes, clean hearts.  The crash back into reality, to deceitfulness and calculated smiles nearly killed me.

I've been living in the withdrawals.

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I like drug metaphors but I don't know that much about drugs so (cliches).  oh well.

Rain mixed with sunrise.

Here's the thing about gossip and why I don't like it. It's like I was out dancing in the rain for three hours and you're telling everyone I broke into the pool to swim when (let's get real here) I haven't been near a public swimming facility in years. I'm ashamed that misplaced verbosity can make me feel anything, even anger.

Even if I could separate out the ruthless from the ones who just don't care, I'd still be left wondering whether there was any fundamental difference between the two.

It's raining and I wish I was outside wandering the streets of Fargo for an unbiased shoulder to rant to instead of sitting on the kitchen floor trying to write things.


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oh mannn tonight killed my writer's block. good.  I don't care about pain and betrayal if it gives me something to pour into the ink.

good.

(wrote this at 5-6 AM but forgot to post it so posting it now)

doing it right.

Friday night means dancing.  Can't be mad about Fargo's sub-par dancing scene because in Iran dancing is illegal.  You gotta lock your doors for that business.

I no longer believe in spontaneous combustion. You want your world on fire, gotta strike that match yourself.  This is the summer of gasoline.

also this video. IS. my favorite. that is all.

it's not too late, we have the rest of our lives

The places we escape to
eventually become
the places we escape
from

you told me
I will be the same person
wherever I go,
my soul caged up
in the same body
regardless of
which constellations light up my
eyes

clipped wings
still
dreaming of

flight

and here it is.  When “thank you” trips over “I’m sorry”, I think I finally learned the concept of trust, but it seems to be too late.  I want to beg you to forget the last 3 hours.  I don’t know anything.  I know too much.  I wish I could get back some naivety, something to make me less scared of missteps.  To be able to say “I didn't know” and mean it, and have that be a good enough excuse.  A pat on the head and a dismissal to the treehouse.  please stop pretending I am an adult.

I want you to know that I appreciate your efforts to make it all better for me.

There is one person on this entire planet that I'm not "cool" with.  I wish I could change that.   All the time, all the time, all the time.  I hate to see him.    The most stressful thing in my life.  Why can't we just be chill?

Scratch that, Where is my apology.

Then, maybe.  We could be chill.

I am unhappy tonight.  Shadows.

yeh.

Conversation at work with an old man

Him:  How old do you think I am?
Me: I don't know... 25?
Him: (laughs)  I'm ninety eight
Me: WOW, well then you're doing pretty good!
Him:  Yup, my wife and I have been married for sixty-nine years.
Me:  ... how old do you think I am?
Him:  (stares me up and down) Twenties?
Me:  Yup I'm 21.
Him:  So you're not married hmm?
Me: Heck no.  I call that 'The Trap'
Him:  (laughs delightedly)


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so decided to take a 2 AM trip to Detroit Lakes with  my friend... but ten minutes out of Fargo he says, "hey have you ever been to Buffalo State Park?"  and I was thinking the stars would  be amazing so I begged him to take me there instead.

And I was right, the stars were phenomenal to the point where I could not stop smiling.  The weather was perfect.  No wind, very few mosquitoes, and warm enough with the blanket I brought.  Glad I didn't just go to bed like I had intended.
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“In fact, I am aware of the fake entities in my life.
I know that I can clear
them if I wanted to in a moment …
But all this hollowness needs my sincerity.”

-Rumi

Communion

Refusing to dance is like a bird refusing to fly.  Never understood why you feel the need to pretend you are a penguin instead of a falcon, but this is Respect Your Feet 101 and tonight you are going to realize why the word “move” was invented in the first place.  Don’t let your wings regress to shoulderblades, dormancy (from the Latin root dormire, meaning to sleep) is the one thing you must never accept from yourself. Wake up.  Lose sleep, lose your inhibitions, but never lose your rhythm.  All horizontal surfaces are renamed dance floors until further notice.   I swear I fall half in love every time the bass kicks in.

The dance floor is my temple, the DJ is my priest, and this?

This is my altar call so don’t make me beg you.

Bust it.

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Wanna be my chammak challo?  

I was dancing some Bhangra moves downtown (at a club that does not play Hindi music, I might add) last night, and some random dude says to my back, "Zumba!"

I turn around and say, "naw man.. Indians!"

I realize now that he was probably confused.   hashtag don't care. hashtag dancing completely sober.  hashtag born drunk so have no need for alcohol.

Grab my hand, play this song, DJ save my life, COME ON

WARNING THIS SONG HAS SWEARS

but ohmgsh.  perfect.

We fall so hard

Now we gotta get back what we lost

I thought you’d go

But you were with me all along

Macklemore babe. love.

need live music so bad right now.  I'd even be cool with country, I just need to be up there closing my eyes, face tipped towards the stage, drinking in the sounds from people loving what they do. always always always, it's the sunshine.  It's the yellow bird liberation, phoenix or canary I learned to dance before I could fly, before I could walk.  It's the uncaged and believe me, every single vein has me flying from the past, flying from the grudges I've been trying to escape.   Love love love baby.  can't put it any other way, I've got so much happy there is no chance I'd be able to hold it all myself.     Bitterness is the heaviest element. Let. It. Go.