So I went back Home (?) last weekend, ostensibly for a class reunion. Our little dinky informal five-year potluck thingy.
If you know me at all you know that high school was the black pit for me. I listened to emo music 24-7 and spend most of my time alone in my room. I was... unpopular. To put it lightly. I recall a particularly unflattering comment made about me being "Yeah I'd f*** her, but only if she had a bag over her face so I didn't have to see it".
I have dreams about high school. Sometimes I feel like I'm living my life to impress "Those People". And I feel weird about this. I want to let go of the bitterness, and move on.
So I went back.
Awkward. Awkward. So awkward. I have NOTHING in common with them. (Except for one girl that I ran into who I used to be close with and still really admire and respect).
When I was in a situation where I needed to mingle and try to talk to people I panicked. I didn't know what to say.
I felt myself regressing back to former self status. Uncomfortable in a way that I haven't felt in five years.
Those are not my people.
Why did I subject myself to that? I'm glad it's done. I'm glad I'm back in Fargo with the people I trust, the people I can say anything to, the people who do not judge me. I could taste the relief when I finally made it to my apartment.
I forget how lucky I am to have the friends that I do. They are so much more. I should have brought them with me, but I felt like this was something I needed to go do alone.
There is the bustling metropolis of Mott ND looming in the foreground.
If you know me at all you know that high school was the black pit for me. I listened to emo music 24-7 and spend most of my time alone in my room. I was... unpopular. To put it lightly. I recall a particularly unflattering comment made about me being "Yeah I'd f*** her, but only if she had a bag over her face so I didn't have to see it".
I have dreams about high school. Sometimes I feel like I'm living my life to impress "Those People". And I feel weird about this. I want to let go of the bitterness, and move on.
So I went back.
Awkward. Awkward. So awkward. I have NOTHING in common with them. (Except for one girl that I ran into who I used to be close with and still really admire and respect).
When I was in a situation where I needed to mingle and try to talk to people I panicked. I didn't know what to say.
I felt myself regressing back to former self status. Uncomfortable in a way that I haven't felt in five years.
Those are not my people.
Why did I subject myself to that? I'm glad it's done. I'm glad I'm back in Fargo with the people I trust, the people I can say anything to, the people who do not judge me. I could taste the relief when I finally made it to my apartment.
I forget how lucky I am to have the friends that I do. They are so much more. I should have brought them with me, but I felt like this was something I needed to go do alone.
There is the bustling metropolis of Mott ND looming in the foreground.
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